They’re peeling through bones and skin and I can’t keep them in. I know I need to go back to DBT, but I’m scared.
Self-control, self-control, self-control.
It’s been at least 2 weeks since I’ve been able to enjoy myself. I’m not getting caught up in you tonight, GG. Because tonight, it’s time for TNC and I have to let this energy out.
Do you ever feel like your soul is about to explode? Like your body isn’t enough to contain it and you have to release it?
DK — our paths are just breaths away, but I can’t help but wonder if our moments were meant to be contained.
What does it mean to be open? Who do I welcome, who should I welcome, how and why? I’ve been open about my history - where I’ve been, where I’ve gone to school. You asked about the drugs so I told you. You asked about the girls and the boys, so I told you. You can tell my stories, you can mimic my mannerisms, and you can remember the details so vividly that you would feel that you were there when I made all these mistakes that have made me the addict I am today —- but do you even know who I am? Have I really, truly been open with you?
Because you may feel that you know all my secrets, but I can feel each and every one of them — little pebbles grating against bones, ripping through skin slowly. They’re all caught in my ribs and they only come out in my dreams.
But you judged me before you could see what those stories were hiding. And now I feel that I need to hold it all back, I need to keep it all in, and I’m worried where my mind will go next.